Identity Crisis!

         Ngugi Wa taiong illustrates the struggles of assimilation within ones self  "Minutes of Glory" and the other stories in which the characters have to battle themselves with who they are and what their environments want them to be to fit in.

      In "Minutes of Glory" Ngugi Wa Taiong tells this story about a women named Wanjiru but as the book points out from the start, she likes her Christian name Beatrice better. We then learn that she is a barmaid but shortly after, it's quite clear to realize that Beatrice is an aspiring and struggling hooker throughout the story torn with mixed emotions about herself and her life. 

      The author first starts off telling us how Beatrice want's nothing more than to be just like the other girls. She is unable to attract all the men or almost any for that part but she desperately wants their attention, love, gifts and above all else to be wanted. Throughout the story we are told how envious of the other girls she is and has no idea why the men would choose these women, even some uglier then herself, would still get many more admirers then she.

       At first she seems to blame herself almost as if she was to ugly but then thinking back she realizes that some of these women were uglier than herself and she believes it had to be her skin. Even when she got Ambi to disguise her dark skin as white she believe she did not have enough of the Ambi. Knowing that she could not afford to completely cover herself up in Ambi was a "constant source of shame and irritation for her ambi-self." It's almost implied that she is ugly because of who she is his or even because of her dark skin.

        Secondly, Beatrice starts to come off as very materialistic. She believes the other girls are getting more attention because they have stockings, wigs, jewelry and things to that nature. We can recall several times as to where Beatrice fantasizes of men buying her things. Moreover it just starts with her seemingly wanting nothing more then to be like the others and to be accepted by all, undoubtedly one of the primary messages of the author concerning imperialism.\

        Yet just when we think we know everything about this story theirs an almost completely opposite side to this Beatrice character. She wants more then just a bunch of rich lovers and to be envied by all she wants love. We are told this directly when the book states "What she wanted was a decent work and a man or several men who cared for her." It also goes on to say that the need for men may have been mistaken for a home and a child for her to go to bed with. Ironically enough the author informs us it may be her genuine need that scares men off who want different things.

       Sadly enough, I myself never look into why things happen so much as what has happened. When first reading this story I finished thinking sarcastically, surprise a hooker who robs a client and  goes to jail, shocking. However as much as I hate to admit it, I've been in the same situation, kind of not that I was ever hoping to become desirable to men everywhere but the same thought process of thinking you want one thing and turns out you may want another.

       When I decided to join the military, I had one mindset and that was to be the best. I had all these plans to fight in the war and become a U.S. Ranger and this and that and it was pointless. I never thought of why I wanted to do any of it and even before I entered they found out I was colorblind and would not let me join a combat military occupational speciality. So even though the plans I had thought I wanted were set back behind some good old trickery I was able to get a passing score for seeing colors allowing me to magically get into a combat job.

      Once in this field, I was able to qualify with my weapon and physical fitness scores being second best in the company I applied for Ranger school and unbeknown to me at the time, they too held a colorblind test. It was tragic because I could not pull this same "magic" I had before and my plans were ruined. I asked myself why was I here what were my intentions? I tried telling myself I was there because of 9/11 and I wanted pay back but I'm a bit cynical myself and don't believe any outside force cause that kind of damage. After much of back and fourth between this I realized I did not want to be there after all, I had nothing to prove and did not believe in the mission. 

       Beatrice then through a series of events ends up trying to confine in a man she had been listening to every night for weeks. She lays it all out on the line, tells her life story, who she is, how she got there, what she wants but can never have and she hears a sound the sound of him being asleep. Out of anger she steals his money and buys everything she wanted to become the desirable women she always knew she could be and returns to the same bar she stole from. All the men worship her for a brief moment then ends up going to jail for the crime she committed.

         This is where Beatrice and I differ. After I realized I did not agree with our purpose and that my goals could never be accomplished. Much like her she started to realize the rich man of her dreams was never going to take her away yet she decided to go down with a brief moment of glory. However when I encountered my small moment I had gotten injured due to an improper weapon system setup falling on my back causing multiple slipped disc. Leave the military or stay in and continue on, Many of the guys I had been with throughout the years were certain I would stay, kept commenting "he's to tough" and comments of pressure to that nature. I was also recommend to the promotion board after my injury. However I decided to leave rather than to continue to conform against  my mixed emotions.

          Ngugi Wa taiong shows us the complex mental battle and the challenges that an individual faces with having multiple identities. One may think what's the big deal to be given a second name to be known by? Yet this is more then a second name, it's a Christian name that probably comes with Christian beliefs moreover European beliefs and although it may be easy to think well, just don't participate in the establishment. However to not participate in the system usually results in extreme poverty more so than their already is, and being outcasted socially. Finally how can any individual make a choice when almost no choice exist? Therefore the struggle of multiple personalities and identities can become a messy life long confusing battle that can't really be won.